Thursday, 9 February 2023

10/2/23 ^^^ My ultimate pleasure is to write my thoughts away

 That's it... To simply write, write, and write.  That is my Ikigai.  I plan to outwrite my readers until I am the only reader of my writing.

I will write even when there are no more readers to this blog.  This is the legacy I am leaving to myself.

Perhaps as a breadcrumb trail of my delirious mind.  But really...  It is nothing more than my thought reflection frozen in time.

I think I probably can score the highest as the person who writes the most in a blog.

Fuck... Who cares.  As long as I don't have to spend money to blog, this is the most rewarding hobby.

I tried to stop blogging.  It felt hollow.  So I figured I am probably addicted to blogging.  So what?  We all are addicted to something sometime in our life.  Might as well be addicted to the blog.

I had bread and kaya just now; hoping I can skip the Super Combo.  Can't do that.  It lingers in my head.  Looks like I have to go for it.

Kigatsuku is right, follow your heart.

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#traxxfm I'm just introspecting: 6:00 am - Els time. My Gold Medal. My poison and my elixir. I don't really get it. Why is it that she is playing the paradox game? Is it just a game or is she really a paradox?

#traxxfm Whatever the case may be, that is the appeal. The bird is neither in the hand nor is it flying free. She is Jinak Merpati (Pigeon Tame).

#traxxfm Thus, I am going to take it in good faith that you are a paradox. Just like Britney's song, "Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide" I operate using mental models. I think Jinak Merpati suits you. Otherwise, you would have rejected me long ago.

WOKE UP IN LOVE, KYGO


#traxxfm This journey of mine is taking its toll. I think I am about to hit the wall. Progress is damn slow. I need you... You are my inspiration. Among BLESS 33888 you are the Gold Medal.

#traxxfm I mean, I used to feel sad when you don't seem to care. Now I understand you more. You communicate through songs and cryptic messages. So I am right to say that you love me but at the same time you are being careful.

#traxxfm I had been giving this a very serious thought. No matter what I have to hang on to the Secure Attachment. That is the only way I can stop being clinically depressed. It's like having a drogue during a storm. It helps to stabilize the boat




#traxxfm After 22 years of dealing with mental illness, I come to one major realization; I am not crazy, it's just that my reality is different. However, I have to accept that reality because that is my reality. I own it, or else I will go crazy LOL.

#traxxfm I am truly grateful that you are the nonjudgmental club. Although I do think that you fall for me on your first sight hahaha... I will always remember you called me sweetie. I'm indebted to you and Sarah for bringing me out from the deep end.

#traxxfm Now that I figure you out, this arrangement is fine. Previously I was slightly disturbed thinking that you don't live up to your be kind credo. Attached is my credo: As I told you, I help countless of people using half of my personal wealth.


#traxxfm Hey, can I chip in one of my dad's jokes? What is the difference between a sin and shame? It’s a sin to stick it in and a shame to take it out.

#traxxfm A joke I told my kids: Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female. The female egg says “Look, I’ve got a crack” “No good telling me” replies the male egg “I’m not hard yet”

#traxxfm I made one very silly mistake once. I was sitting next to a single young woman on the flight to Paris. Late that night I offered my shoulder for her to rest her head. Silly me, I grope her tits. She was shocked. Lucky me she didn't scream.

#traxxfm See? Different reality. So I am not going to lose you to my silly mistakes. I don't want it to be due to an error of judgment.

Whatever the case, it is a balancing act.  I need to find the middle path.  Not too tight and not too loose.

Alrighty...  Time to exit.

Later, Sarah.

mm





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