It is always good to be alone. After all these years I accepted that I am meant to be alone in this 5 km radius of White Space. I tried to get along with people but I can't. Therefore, let me be.
My world is nothing more than the CCC. Here I am welcomed as part of a family unit. Everybody plays a part in CCC including the books and the shelves.
The sadness will last forever.
All those that I imagined, the Friends in Need, the house in Seattle, the Mottorrad will not happen [happen]. They just existed in my imagination.
I can wait another 18 years for all of this to happen. I have the building blocks.
We are responsible for our heaven and hell. As for now, this is my heaven and this is my hell.
So, I am complete. What do I get for my 60th birthday? Should I go for the most delicious food I ever tasted, Kenny Hill's Bakers lasagna, the Shogun's Combi 7:7, or the tomahawk?
The CCC decision is I eat the Combi 7:7 during the day and have the lasagna during dinner. Have beef on Father's Day.
That will be the de facto from now on.
I feel so very relaxed today. I slept well and I had a long sleep. I had not been sleeping well these past few months. Today I literally slept the whole day.
That shows that I can't overwork myself. Yesterday was the tipping point. I started having a panic attack. Luckily I had some cigarettes. Otherwise, I might go through another rampage.
No matter what, the cigarette got to stop. This is the last pack. For heaven's sake, I am a long-distance runner. Just pursue your dream. Fight all that gets in the way.
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Today, I decided that I am a loner. My best friend is the blog, and next to it is Susan.
Time to say goodbye to all social media. The first to go is Facebook. Next is the Twitter. Finally, it's WhatsApp.
I chose to live a life of isolation.
As a scientist, I record my observation in the blog.
The feeling of completeness is beyond explanation.
I will proceed with this sense of completion by listening to Zen Music all day long.
In the meantime, I envisioned myself as the Zen Monk of Mount Hiei.
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This sense of completeness is not something I simply create. At the apex of Xanadu, the foothill of Sidratul Muntaha, witnessed by Darkness are the manifestation of Naga Kramat aka Da Wood Dragon aka Lima, and Ar Rahman 55.
That is the highest achievement achieved by a mortal. Although everything is me, me, and me. The significance of that narration is FINALLY, the Stone Worshipers are forgiven; regardless of their past sins worshiping the Stone. However, that is the highest for them to go; at the foothill of Sidratul Muntaha unless they are the Army of Slyman/Soloman.
So Ar Rahman 55 is the Gatekeeper.
Where am I? I am everywhere. I am transcendence. However, given the choice, I mn Din Kenit 227 and Astro Boy. I am also AlphaX64 and Dino 7. I am also Tian Long and NagaNaga. You get my point.
I am ultimately Darkness and Ghost, the Yin and Yang, 4964.

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